08.04.03 12:05am
I TOOK A MONTH OFF, JERKS

Yeah, I get it. I don't update as much as people want me to.

Instead of a bad update with dumb jokes and marginal photoshops, how about I pretend you're all interested in my real life (away from the computer) and tell you what's been going on in my general vicinity for the past month or so. And then some. And so on.

BIRTHDAY

That's right, since my last update, my birthday has come and gone. It was on July 9th this year, for those keeping track. A couple of my friends from work took me out to a bar, with promises to get me drunk. (Sonja drove)

I've never been much of a drinker, especially when it comes to liquor, so I was pretty certain that I was going to get sick. I'm okay when it comes to the beer, but whatever tolerance I may have had is long gone, and I can get a buzz just by driving past a grocery store.

I tried to prepare by getting plenty of rest, and eating a good-sized meal before we headed to the bar, thinking that having some food in me might be smart. I think I learned that in D.A.R.E. or something.

So anyway... Dan, Dillon, and Hunter bought me shots for a few hours, and even joined me on a couple rounds. I probably had a total of 7 or 8 shots, including my first taste of Jägermeister (which I hate because of its similarity to black licorice), and 3 or 4 beers over the course of 3 hours.

Maybe I ate too much beforehand, or was drinking too slowly, because I can't say I ever felt truly "wasted" (not that I was going for that effect), but I did have a minor buzz. I know this isn't a great story, but it was really strange, because as my college friends can attest, I can't drink for crap.

WORLDS

In mid-July, our old friends Dustin & Kim spent a weekend in Kansas City visiting Dustin's Aunt & Uncle. On Saturday, they visted us, and the four of us went to Worlds of Fun amusement park.

I have known Sonja for almost 5 years now (since August 15th, 1998), and I've known that she hates roller coasters for almost as long. I promised her, and myself, that she would ride a roller coaster at WOF, and that she would thoroughly enjoy it. How could anyone not enjoy roller coasters?

Well, for a long time, I was scared to death of them, but I got over it when I got in the wrong line at Adventureland in Altoona and was too embarrassed to step out. I ended up on the "Super Screamer," and realized I really enjoyed it. Surely, I thought, if I could just get Sonja onto a roller coaster, she would have fun, and would get over her fear of them.

The first ride we, um, rode was the Orient Express. Sonja spent the ride clutching onto my arm, which still bears scars; Dustin spent the ride yelling things like "I just remembered I'm allergic to falling;" and Kim was either yelling at Dustin or yelling because of the ride. I could barely concentrate on being scared out of my pants because I was laughing at the whole thing.

Sonja rode one more roller coaster before wanting to totally kill me. I am proud of her though. Until that day, our most memorable amusement park experience was in the parking lot in front of the Tires Plus in Ames, where we rode a Scramber at some anonymous carnival. Word of advice when it comes to Scramblers: No matter how big they are, the laws of physics will turn any human into a pelvis-crushing projectile if you sit on the outside of a Scrambler.

We spent a good 6 or 7 hours or something out there, and we ended up with some crappy stuffed animals, stomachs full of $20 cheeseburgers, and sunburn. Hey, Dustin & Kim, come back soon!

Oh, and Sonja still hates roller coasters.

WORK

Ok, so the reason I'm not updating as often as I once did, is that I am working pretty much all the time now. I wake up, I go to work, I come home, I mess around, I go to bed, and the process repeats itself.

Work is going well. We've had a batch of interns this summer, a few of which actually know what they're doing. After watching what they get to do, I wish that I hadn't interned at a public radio station.

Last Thursday, I played poker for the first time with some coworkers. As it turns out, I suck at poker, which probably comes as a shock to no one. I promptly lost the $5 I started with, and proceeded to lose money that was loaned to me. I quit the game early, and watched "Boiler Room."

This update may have to tide you over for a while, as there is a lot of stuff coming up, like Chiefs football games and the MDA telethon. I understand that one of those events is going to be held in a casino, so I'd better learn how to cheat at poker.

MISCELLANEOUS/OTHER/ETC.

Now some brief news:

- I found out the other day that one of my best friends is getting married in November, and that I have been chosen to be the Best Man. I have been instructed, however, that the Bachelor Party has to be PG13, so I guess that rules out the Sharpie marker party.

- I had the best Friday ever on the day after we went to Worlds of Fun, when I got to drive a Corvette, Hummer, and a bunch of other cool cars I'll never be able to afford. You can read all about it here.

- Siskow was supposedly in Kansas City this weekend, but apparently is too good to visit me.

- My mom alerted me to the fact that one of my ex-girlfriends turned herself into police in Des Moines for a grocery list of charges, including check & mail fraud. I sure know how to pick 'em, huh? Sonja's background check is pending.

- Snarbles got a brief update, and there is more on the way.

- Sonja is out of town for a few days again, which is why I have gotten away with mentioning her so often in this update. It is also why I am bored out of my skull. That feeling doesn't last long, though, because I get to go to work in about 5 hours.

- Finally, I have started lifting weights again and I am now a huge green monster.